Vika is very far away She married for convenience and moved to another country. He is 10 years older. He likes. Me not. I thought there would be some kind of mutual respect, but I can’t respect it, because... he constantly makes false promises, but does not fulfill them. He just eats, sleeps and climbs into bed. What kind of respect is there? I myself am on a pension after service, so it’s possible to go crazy. Endless house. I hate it. You will say that I need to get a divorce, but now the situation is such that I can only do this after a while. So I endure. I cry all the time. Sometimes fate drives us into such a corner that you don’t know how to get out.
Lisa Moscow We have been living together for 15 years and we are married. A marriage without love, it was just time. But overall they lived well, one might even say well. But she never loved him. It’s just that there was no time for it, the child was growing up, they were changing their place of residence, and other everyday problems. But the feeling that this was not my person did not leave me, I hoped that everything would be settled, settled down. He’s not bad, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t hit, he doesn’t offend, he helps around the house. And after sex, everything seems to get better in my head for a short time... But how hard it is! It’s hard because it’s her own fault, but nothing to do with the child. My daughter is a copy of my dad, how can I change something? How dare I? So I live with someone I don’t love. I started drinking slowly, it seemed easier. At times it’s generally good, everything is quiet and calm. And when I think that this is forever, then at least climb into the noose. If it were possible to remove emotional sensitivity like appendicitis, I would remove it. And I would continue to live with him, He is not to blame for anything.
Lyolik Earth What's love like? The instinctive program of an ape-like person is completed (they fucked, they produced children), it’s time to change the blood and get a new one. This is the law of nature. This way there is a greater chance that your offspring will survive. The concept of “love” is a means of manipulating people. And in this case, the author of the article (a feminist) uses this concept to promote her delusional ideas to the masses. I wish all the women who do not love their caring husbands the most severe financial crisis and louts who are not able to give them care.
Anna Kyiv They loved each other very much. The children were born early, they fled home right after school, and live in another country. The house was built... Everything should be fine. But somehow, after 40, my husband became irritable. I feel like I’m irritating him too. Master. Without crouching, he is always cooking something, cleaning the yard, planting plants, feeding the household... That is, he is fussing around in every possible way. Many will say, you fool, rejoice. But there is no joy and spending time together. On vacation separately.... Weekends - he is at home, busy. What about talking? He stays silent for days, or tries to convey news from Facebook to me. The TV was moved from the bedroom, so he followed the TV to the first floor. I didn’t have sex for I don’t remember how many months. But I don’t want anything anymore. I can’t get out of depression. Previously, I tried to shake him up, go somewhere together, go to the gym together. He says I don't want to. Then I started going to the gym myself and going to the mountains. But he doesn’t care where I am or what. I’m calling, let’s go together, because little children don’t cry.... And we’re only 43. I stopped considering myself next to him and a woman. Hands down. Loneliness.
Angela Chelyabinsk I can't stomach it all my life. I didn’t marry my husband out of love, out of stupidity, and I’ve been putting up with him for 30 years now. He’s unbearable, he’s eaten up like a hog, he’s stopped taking care of himself... he drinks 4-5 liters of beer every day and says that it’s hard for him to walk. He doesn’t like me either, but his youngest daughter is only in the 8th grade, that’s how we live, we fight all the time. Is this family. More details: http://www..nsf/publicall/2010-04-06-511635.html
Andrey Ekaterinburg I read the article and the women’s comments. Once again I was convinced that it is not worth living for a woman and doing something for her, in response you will hear “I hate you” everywhere you look, wherever you spit, holy queens everywhere. No, I don’t want marriage, I don’t want a relationship either, I don’t believe in that in the modern world. I am divorced, raising 3 children, two 10-year-old twin daughters and a 5-year-old son. My ex-wife left for Moscow with her lover, leaving me the children (for this I am grateful to her), she was tired of her family, but less than two years later she began to ask to return, but only time has passed, let her continue to “rest.” I live for my children, and I don’t want any more relationships, I’ve had enough, and I don’t want to force my children to call someone else’s aunt mom, but they no longer have their own mother. The ex-wife is still begging for forgiveness and a second chance. Hatred of my husband and fatigue from my family, royal ladies, if only you had my childhood in an orphanage and my youth at 90 in Chechnya, you would have sung differently and prayed for your husband. You’re just too greedy and don’t know what it means to love and what family is.
Nadezhda Ekaterinburg My dear friends in misfortune. So I was always cheerful and lively, we met on a whim and stupidly signed up, pregnancy and everything cut me off from him, I hate everything about him, I’m very unhappy with him, at 26 I look 40, in the morning I don’t have the strength to get out of bed, at night there are tears and regrets that I was in a hurry... He’s not my man, and we’re different in all, but the baby adores him and I just can’t deprive him of his dad... This is how to live? And he walks around so indifferent , can’t get me off the couch, I’m tired of this, even if it’s a wolf howling
Olya Kraygorod I can't see him hear him
Albina G.Mozhga Dear women! How I understand you. I myself am 43 years old. I have been living with my husband for 21 years. We have three children. Anything happened in our lives. But after 40 years, apparently, a reassessment of values begins. I suddenly realized that I no longer loved my husband at all. The crush that I had in my youth had finally passed. I am not happy about joint vacations or joint holidays. I believe that I will meet my happy love and leave my unloved husband. And I don’t care what my mother-in-law and all my friends say about me, I spent many years of my life on someone I don’t love, I haven’t hidden my dislike for him from him for a long time. I also dream that he will meet a woman who will love him and he will love her. Then I will be calm for him and truly free.
Anna Ulan-Ude Girls, how I understand you all! I loved my husband very much, we’ve been together for seven years. Three daughters, but suddenly something broke in my soul and heart. I hate him!!! He infuriates me: how he eats, how says. I don’t want to sleep with him at all, when I kiss him, I want to turn away. I told him that I don’t love him and don’t want to live together. And he’s like a wallflower. I feel like I’m under his yoke! I want freedom, for 7 years of living with him, I have aged 15 years. I don’t know what to do, how to continue to live!
Balgul Nefteyugansk I hate it. .. I feel happy only in my dreams. Why do I live with it? Don't know.
Anna Moscow It’s much worse when you love him, but he doesn’t love you... I’ve been living with a man for 7 months, I love, I suffer, I cry, I drink afobazole and valerian... and he told me that love is too strong a feeling and he will never tell me won’t say “I love you,” like one way or another, I agreed, I thought, let deeds show love. Shows. But by deeds, not by feelings, he is sometimes gentle, sometimes aggressive and angry, I am sometimes scared when he comes at me with reproaches, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, like in childhood, when I was punished by my parents for misdeeds. Signed. And so I think - how long will we be enough? He is good and wise, he is a man, not a wimp, but he is so cold with him... he won’t take kindly to him, won’t caress him with a kind word (he’s a man, not a woman), won’t regret it (there’s no point in pretending to be a victim)... then Whether he loves me, but shows his feelings coldly (man), or whether he’s just comfortable with me... I don’t know, to be honest. And, as luck would have it, there is also a discrepancy in temperament, at first everything is in the openwork, a lot and privately and hotly, and then... I’m not like that, I’m not a male, I need to be fired up, but I’m faithful, I don’t throw myself at others, with my dick I don’t think so... yes, it’s good, but I never kindled passion in a man consciously, everything was always fine without it, I hate it, I feel unpleasant, everything is somehow faked and my desire sometimes disappears in the end. When you are loved, probably easier than the other way around, when your heart cries, your soul suffers from not being loved, not being caressed... but the last sweet years are gone, before you have time to look back, menopause will come, and with it the age when there is no time for sleepless nights from hot love... So, you seem to like the man and he’s good, but it’s still not something. But you can’t find the ideal one, it’s not the same years, everyone has been married or divorced for a long time, disappointed in women or just revelers. I'll have to endure it as long as I can. And then again a divorce, most likely (before that there were a lot of rags)
Anna Ufa How many unhappy women while away their days with those they don’t love! My husband has been trading sex for computer games for a year now, he practically doesn’t see or notice his children, he’s not interested in anything at all except his games of tanks. Well, to eat at home. He doesn't even know how to love. I used to freak out at him and get angry. And now I have no strength anymore. I just try not to notice his presence. The children (two boys) also sat behind the tanks looking at him - you can’t kick him out. But I don’t have the courage to get a divorce. We are married. It’s a sin to leave your husband without a good reason. It's horrible. I roar at night. I want love, happiness. It definitely won't happen to him anymore. My mistake is that in my youth, when we met, I thought that that SAME feeling would come to him later, I liked him very much when we met. But there was some feeling of misunderstanding and somewhere deep down a feeling that something was not mine, something was missing. And everything was beautiful on the outside. He is handsome, and I am no worse. I set myself up that everything would happen and that true love would also appear for him. Almost 17 years have passed. Nothing appeared. Only the love disappeared. This is such bullshit. If there was love, there would be strength and desire to fight for the attention of her husband. And now there is no hunting. Don't marry without love. And especially don’t get married without checking your feelings.
Yana Kamyshin We lived with my husband for 11 years, he loved me very much and still loves me, and after the first divorce I was left with a small son, so I thought it would be easier for both of us, he’ll endure it... I gave birth to a second son, he’s now 8 years old, I can’t stand it, I talked and said that I can’t do this anymore, I don’t love him... but he doesn’t leave, he’s silent, he threatens to steal his son, he has nowhere to go, he’s not local... so we continue to live... I can’t sleep with him! WHAT TO DO?
Dana Moscow I don’t hate my husband, I don’t like him, what should I do? Help, I can’t leave, there are many reasons
Lizzi Inta Oh, girls, how hard it is to be with someone you don’t love. I didn’t marry for love, it was just time. We lived for 15 years, gave birth to two boys, and thought that if she could endure it, she would fall in love. Yes, I couldn’t stand it and didn’t fall in love. I got divorced, bought an apartment, and am renovating. He's furious, he suddenly remembered about the children. While the renovation is underway, we live together. What's ahead? But I can’t live with someone I don’t love anymore!!!
Fly Penza sorry
I really understand you girls, I have the same situation, we’ve been together for 10 years, 6 of them married... after the birth of a child and moving in with my mother-in-law, everything changed, as if he had been replaced. He became aggressive, irritable. There’s practically nothing for us to talk about. We live under same roof as neighbors. There is also nowhere to leave. And there is no love either....
Gulya Kazan I understand you all very much. I also don’t know how to live with an unloved husband. I hate him.
Madame Rome I live in Italy. My husband is older. My parents are in Ukraine, I can’t escape at all... my husband is not aggressive, he doesn’t hit me... but I haven’t had sex for 3 years now... just 0% passion... I look at him and feel sick!!! My son is 5 years old, I’m waiting for him to grow up, I’m still quietly learning English... I dream of disappearing and forgetting. It’s so hard. Such loneliness.
Elena Roshal Alice, I understand you. The same situation happened today. I told my husband that I didn’t love her and wanted a divorce. But there was nowhere to go, we were registered in the apartment together, and he was from another city. Now he is silent. Not talking. I don’t know how the next days, weeks, months or years will turn out (((((And there is no support. Mom is on her husband’s side.......
Elena Roshal Oh, girls. How hard it is to live with someone you don’t love and ruin your happiness and youth ((((I want a divorce, but he is silent like a fish on ice. We have two daughters, and I don’t want them to suffer because of my decision to divorce.
Galina Saint Petersburg I have no desire to enter into a new relationship with a man after 26 years of marriage! Cook, wash, clean again? No way! I want to be alone and live only for myself!!! this is real happiness!!!
Louisa Orsk I was in love with my husband, but I married him out of necessity. I don’t even know why. There was always a row with him before the birth of the child, he irritated me very much. Now our son is 2.5 years old. We don't fight like we used to. Far less. But my attitude towards him changed. I realized that I didn't really love him. The child has repressed all feelings. I feel tenderness for him sometimes, care, calmness, satisfaction, but this does not happen often. When I see him nervous and angry, and if he also swears, then I want to run away from him. Some kind of disgust. In bed before pregnancy, I was very active sexually. He was drawn away from me, but now I don’t want him at all. Became frigid. I don't like everything. There is nowhere to go. Parents in another country. We are renting an apartment. I don’t work because I have no one to leave the child with. Starting kindergarten only next year. In short, everything would be fine if he were not aggressive. I don’t even know where to go
She's Nantes I hate my husband’s whole life, I didn’t marry him out of love, out of stupidity, and I’ve been putting up with him for 24 years. He is unbearable, he doesn’t love me either, but we have adult children, that’s how we live, from the outside it’s a very prosperous family.
Nata Kraygorod And I divorced my husband and have been alone for 4 years, I don’t regret leaving him
Guest of Almaty I also have the same situation. 3 children, 12.9 and 3 years old. I haven’t loved my husband for several years now, I can’t say the exact date. To live or not to live for the sake of children? That is the question. He loves me, but I don't. Torment yourself, continue to live with the unloved, or break up?
Tatiana Kraigorod Everything is true, but our insecurity comes from poverty - there is nowhere to go
Yulia Kraigorod Good article. The main thing is that every word is true. I’m in a difficult situation now, I’m constantly thinking about divorce, I’m on maternity leave and I’m succumbing to difficulties, but there’s no love, it’s difficult, very difficult to live like this.
Alisa Kraygorod I agree with the author, it is unbearable to endure irritation every day at the sight of an unloved husband, but what if, after talking about divorce and loss of feelings, the husband does not want to leave, remains silent and waits, and I have nowhere to go with the children?
Zukhra Kraigorod that’s right, I don’t love my husband either, but for the sake of the child I live with him, I don’t know what to do...
Captain Nemo Edgegorod I hate my husband. But I have to live with this man...
Mar-sized Kraigorod Everything is written very correctly.
We met, got to know each other, liked each other... You meet, get to know each other, have a good time and, it would seem, everything is fine. That's what it seems at first glance. After some time you decide to get married, everything goes according to plan...
The wedding, honeymoon, gatherings of newly-made relatives are already behind us. Ordinary, everyday family life began. It is she who shows the real picture of feelings. Unless, of course, there were initially doubts about the latter. And if there were, it confirms them.
By definition, you only need to get married to your own person (your beloved, the best - whatever you want). If at the beginning of the relationship you didn’t have such an opinion about the person, I have bad news for you.
As the famous psychotherapist Mikhail Litvak said, touching on the topic of marriage and divorce: “Most people get married for any reason except one true one - to start a family.”
I can't help but agree with him. Indeed, many people register marriages because: it’s time (age), parents (relatives) insisted, the girl got pregnant, it’s necessary (like everyone else), parents promised to buy an apartment, someone has a promising business, this is how normal people do and so on - there are a lot of reasons, and they can be quite different.
So, normal people don’t do this - they don’t act like that. They seriously approach the issue of creating a family as a separate, smallest, but cozy unit of society. And this is accepted among people who are psychologically immature, unprepared, irresponsible for themselves and for their lives, infantile individuals.
If you are adequate, psychologically mature, mature and responsible for yourself and your life, then you will not get married just because: it’s necessary, your parents said it, everyone does it, etc. And, moreover, you will not strive to officially (and not only) connect your life with a person just because it’s good to be with him or even because there are no other candidates besides him. An independent and mature person is responsible for himself and for his every action, not to mention serious changes in his life. Infantile, frivolous, irresponsible and frivolous people are not capable of this - they choose what is simpler - and thereby shift their responsibility to others, allowing themselves not to think or worry about anything. But you still have to worry when problems start - and they, as a rule, start sooner or later...
What to do in this situation? Of course, blame others for everything! And again, shift your responsibility and your mistakes onto someone else. This is how psychologically immature people reason. Is something not working out? So of course, the wife does nothing (I have a less decent expression on my mind). Husband doesn’t earn money, drinks, goes out? Yeah, he turned out to be an idiot, who knew...
Closer to the topic - the described couple of examples are far from the only ones that exist, but they describe the essence - if something goes wrong, doesn’t work out, doesn’t work - then the only one who doesn’t do anything is you. And it’s the same with a moron - I don’t have the best news for such a person.
No one is immune from mistakes, wrong choices, or circumstances. No one is born initially as an absolutely mature, wise person, responsible for his life and himself. They come to this. Over time, but they come. And this time is different for everyone. Of course, there are those who don’t want to learn anything, don’t want to change anything and let everything take its course.
In the above situation (if there is one) there are two ways.
The first is to remain as you are, constantly shifting responsibility for your life to others, while not forgetting to blame them for all your failures, somehow try to move on with your life, constantly complaining and blaming everyone around you (the easier way, the usual for a person who is not ready to accept the truth as it is and begin to change).
The second way - which is also more difficult - is to face the circumstances and the truth, realize your mistakes, understand which decisions were wrong, what all this taught you and begin to change yourself and your life - slowly but surely. Strive to be an objective person who evaluates everything - actions, deeds, decisions. Become an adult, independent from other people, take an adequate and sober approach to everything, begin to take responsibility for your life and every action. Find courage and leave the unloved person, admitting your mistakes. Break off long-outdated relationships that bring nothing but negative emotions. You can continue the positive criteria for quite some time.
Everyone chooses for themselves.
But, returning to the topic of why you should not connect your life with an unloved person, I will continue.
Living with an unloved person means quarrels, scandals, grievances, omissions, unwillingness to develop and be better, constant reproaches, consolation in friends/girlfriends/alcohol, anger, hatred and everything that comes from this - everyone has different ways and manifests themselves to varying degrees .
If at first it was good with the person, but there were no strong feelings, the best thing you can do is to run away right away. Without looking back and without stopping. If you are “lucky enough” to stay and tie your life with this person, then a clearly unenviable fate awaits you. Everything is always good at the beginning. But there are no problems, none. But they begin later... When everyday life comes into force, the person no longer wants to try for you and shows his true face. But he doesn’t want to try and work on relationships for only one reason - there is no love. Most likely, both on his part and on yours. At least on one side - for sure. It was just so convenient. It was necessary...
And then the family life of two supposedly loving people begins to turn into hell. Not literal, but psychological. It’s possible that it’s also physical... It’s easy to determine - all sorts of bullshit begins (I apologize for the not entirely correct word) in the form of cheating / drunk / not working / yelling / nagging / hysterical / enraging and all the like. It's better to leave at the first sign. Immediately and forever.
This does not happen to people who truly love and strive to protect each other in relationships. They have warmth of feelings, care for each other, understanding, mutual support and, of course, true love. The real one, yes. It does happen (although it is much less common). They had it first. And it continues...
Of course, people who love each other have problems in their relationships, but... they love and appreciate each other, all problems, difficult tasks and situations are solved calmly and thoughtfully on both sides, everyone’s opinion is taken into account.
His own person, loved and loving, will value, cherish, take into account the opinion of his partner, love not only in words, but also prove his feelings with deeds (actions, whatever). And it is precisely such a person who is worth waiting for - consciously and meaningfully, without clinging to dubious individuals on the path of life.
Life with an unloved person is not a joy. This, I think, is known to most adults. I don’t know the author, but I really liked the phrase: “Now you are 20, 30 years old and you have found a person to live with - this is, of course, good, but think about when you are 50, 60 years old - will you wake up one morning with the thought that practically most of your life has been lived with an unloved person? Won’t you understand that you don’t love this person who lives and sleeps with you all the time, never loved and would not want your best to go that way? years?" Something like this - I don’t remember verbatim now, of course, but I think I expressed the thought. And one more: “Is the person who is with you now really your loved one or are you just filling the void with them?”
Sometimes it is useful to ask yourself such questions - it explains a lot, at least to yourself - accurately. After all, each of us knows exactly what he wants. Sometimes he does not pay attention to this or simply ignores his own desires due to circumstances.
Nevertheless, I think everyone can draw their own conclusion. And everyone makes their own decision - with whom to live, how to live and with whom to connect their lives.
Whether you have a loved one or not - the choice is yours. But people also make mistakes. You can't live without mistakes at all. The main thing is to understand in time, draw a conclusion and take appropriate measures.
P.S. Mistakes are not terrible, but their consequences and failure to take measures to eliminate them are terrible. They learn from mistakes. They are needed for further development and understanding of how best to act in a given situation. It's not so bad to make a mistake as not to understand it.
Always act as you want, draw conclusions, change for the better and be with the people you love.
Sometimes in life it happens that after some time spent in marriage, a woman catches herself thinking that she does not love her husband, that they are completely strangers and different people. But why does this happen? Love can disappear from a relationship for various reasons. This may be disappointment, resentment on the part of the husband, and in some cases due to loss of interest in his soulmate. But whatever the reason, the worst thing is that there is no more love, it has simply evaporated. Some women perceive this fact wisely. In this case, the woman does everything possible to maintain family relationships. But, unfortunately, not everyone can make such sacrifices. There are women who immediately file for divorce, and there are also those who, without love, continue to live together. But at the same time, the woman feels constantly oppressed and spends all her days in torment and tears.
Women who have determination and self-sufficiency usually break up with their spouses without any problems or pain. They do not want to live with a person who is unpleasant to them, so they prefer to live alone. And if a woman is very vulnerable and vulnerable, then she prefers to leave everything as it is, because she does not dare to make global changes. Let the husband be unloved, but the main thing is that he exists. They are afraid to take risks and change something in their life; they are afraid of creating a new relationship with another, unfamiliar man.
So which of these two groups of women is right? Both are right in their own way. You need to break off relations with your partner only when there is no other solution to the problem. If you understand that there is no other way out of this situation, and that the only way out is divorce, then you need to listen to your heart. It is important that people close and dear to you support your decision, since without support it can be very difficult, especially at first. It is important not to communicate with your ex-partner at first, because he, just like you, needs to move away and think about creating a new relationship. In addition, constant communication in the first time after a divorce may result in your relationship being restored again. If you don’t want this, then you don’t need to give your ex-man hope that you can be together again.
Very often, a woman who has stopped loving her man and decided to divorce him suffers from a decrease in her own self-esteem. We need to try to prevent this from happening. But our society, alas, has set priorities in such a way that a woman who is divorced has a status that is lower than that of a married woman. Very often, divorced women are treated with a certain contempt; she is considered promiscuous, unlucky, and unable to save her family. This is especially evident in small towns where all people know each other. Basically, no one develops in the reasons for which people divorced, they simply begin to judge the woman. Naturally, such condemnations will put psychological pressure on a woman.
What to do in such a situation? A woman needs to clearly and clearly realize for herself that she has one life, and she should live it for her own pleasure, and not so that some people unfamiliar to her do not judge her. They can say a lot of things behind your back, you just need to learn not to take it personally. You need to understand for yourself that only those people who are deeply unhappy gossip, because those who are happy will never delve into someone else’s life.
But what should you do if you still need to try to maintain the relationship in marriage? What to do in this case and continue to live with a person for whom you no longer have any feelings?
How to start living again with a man if love has passed for him
Very often you can encounter a situation where a woman continues to live with her husband only for the sake of the child. The love has passed, but I don’t want to destroy the marriage so that the child has a normal and full-fledged family. Women believe that no one can replace a child’s natural father, and that the relationship between parents should not affect children in any way. This situation occurs very often. The woman begins to feel like a victim, she suffers and endures everything just so that the child can feel good. Of course, for children both dad and mom are very dear people. When parents divorce, it has a strong effect on the child’s psyche; for him it is a severe psychological trauma. But you need to understand that constant conflicts and scandals bring no less harm to the child. Will a child really feel happy watching a constantly dissatisfied father and a crying mother? Children suffer from such relationships even more than from their parents’ divorce. Children can very subtly feel the state of their parents’ inner world.
They worry about their dads and moms, so if they understand that nothing is going well with their parents, they may have a strong feeling of guilt. This feeling can stay with the child for the rest of his life. A woman must take this fact into account if she does not want to divorce her husband, whom she has stopped loving. We need to do everything possible to ensure that there are no constant scandals and quarrels in the house. Otherwise, the child's life can be completely ruined. And you, wanting to achieve the best for the child, will only make it worse for him.
If the relationship has reached such a point that scandals simply cannot be avoided, then it would still be better to get a divorce. After all, if parents divorce, this does not mean at all that the father’s relationship with his child ends there. There are also cases where fathers after a divorce become even closer to their children. You should not try to maintain your family relationships solely for the benefit of the children, because this can cause the opposite effect.
If you still overdo yourself and get used to the fact that your unloved husband is next to you, then you need to think carefully about how unloved he is by you? It is possible that he is not so unloved, in which case you need to sincerely talk with your husband and agree with him to try to avoid possible quarrels and scandals. Even if a man loves his wife very much, after a while he will still come to terms with the idea that love is one-sided. Such marriages can be found very often.
There are also cases when a woman stops loving her man, but remains with him only out of pity. This happens for the reason that love can be transformed into various forms and even be expressed as hatred. Therefore, one should think that perhaps this pity is a unique form of love. You need to try to imagine your life without your husband, whom you seem to absolutely not love.
Perhaps these performances will make your soul hurt? If this happens, then everything is not as bad as you think. In this case, you need to think about whether it’s worth ending the relationship or whether it’s better to try to save the family. After all, it often happens that everyday life and habit dull even the strongest feelings, so you need to try and do everything possible to restore the relationship.
By marrying an unloved man, a woman obviously dooms herself to suffering. There are many reasons for this choice. But the consequences are always the same. The woman exhausts herself with vain attempts to love her husband, but in the end she realizes that she is unable to command her heart to love. The best way out of this maze is divorce.
The life of a woman married to a man who is not dear to her heart has several features. Firstly, immediately after the wedding she realizes that there is a stranger next to her. His warmth does not warm him, his smile does not please him, his attempts to get closer cause disgust and disgust.
Secondly, the atmosphere in the house is heating up every day and the best salvation from this is to go to work, preferably 24/7.
Thirdly, a woman who cannot realize her feelings and desires with her husband starts on the side.
In all cases, there is an escape from oneself and one’s life. And no matter what reasons push a woman to marry someone she doesn’t love, she needs to soberly assess her strengths and understand whether she can overcome her feelings and save the family.
Some features of a man's life with an unloved woman
When talking about men, you need to understand that they are unique people. Everyone is individual. Some men are able to live with an unloved person for a long time, others get divorced soon. There are different situations in life. However, we can cite some features of such a man’s life
A man who does not have feelings for a woman is quite capable of cheating and having an affair. Every person's upbringing is different. So, some men may completely lose respect for a woman. Sometimes this affects children (especially if they are from another man).
A man may become harsher and cease to be responsive and kind. When a man has no feelings, a woman begins to feel it. Family scandals are possible, which leads to more frequent irritability of the man and even greater rejection of the family.
Some men. Those who are greedy for alcohol may find solace in alcoholic beverages, while others simply immerse themselves in work.
All these are just some of the features of the lives of people who dare to live with an unloved person. These features may well lead to eventual breakdowns in relationships.
No matter how courageous and brutal the representative of the strong half of humanity may seem to us, he is also not alien to the feeling of fear. Leaving an unloved woman means starting something new, it means letting change into your life. And no one knows what these changes will be like. It is the fear of the unknown that confuses men and often “chains” them to a woman. It may not sound very manly, but it’s honest.
Lack of own housing
Not all men feel the need to “get”, protect and take care of their women. There are also those who, due to various circumstances, live on the territory of the lady of the heart and do not feel any remorse about this. However, such men understand that if they break off the relationship, they will end up on the street along with their oversized luggage. This will entail searching for an apartment, spending on housing and a whole series of other problems. Do they need it?
Living at someone else's expense
And the previous point smoothly flows into this one - when men “sit on someone else’s neck.” The most comfortable way is to sit on a woman’s neck, of course. After all, love can be blind, which means a loving woman will find a thousand reasons and excuses why her husband hasn’t gotten a job for a year, doesn’t help the family, and won’t even do basic cleaning around the house. And it’s good for a man: the life of a “lone wolf” is too expensive a pleasure, but here, under the wing of an unloved, but caring woman, it’s quite cozy and warm. And I don’t really want to fly away into freedom.
Familiar amenities
Marriage or cohabitation is not so important. If a man lives with a woman in the same area, then, in most cases, he always has a hot lunch, clean and ironed clothes and a warm bed. Not to mention that there is always a woman in bed. It is psychologically difficult for a man to exchange this habitual feeling of comfort for freedom. And if he leaves an unloved woman, will he suddenly not find his beloved and then have to live alone? And cook alone, and wash/clean alone? “We humbly thank you,” the men say, “but we are fed well here too.”
Common children
Yes, many men really don’t want to get a divorce or leave an unloved woman because they have children together. As a rule, men rarely think that it will cause more harm to the child’s psyche if the child lives in a family with unhealthy relationships and eternal quarrels than in a dysfunctional family. The fact remains: the presence of common children often “anchors” men, preventing them from starting a new life.
Low self-esteem
There is a widespread belief in society that self-dislike and low self-esteem are the prerogative of women. However, representatives of the stronger half of humanity also suffer from such thoughts. And it is precisely such complexes that often serve as the reason why men continue to live with those they don’t love. Questions like “what if I don’t find anyone better?”, “what if I have to be alone for the rest of my life?”, “who needs me with such a salary/bald head?” force them to stay with those they no longer like.
Established habit
It is generally accepted that “love lives for three years,” and over time, love subsides, passions cease to simmer, and all former romance is reduced to ordinary “everyday life.” Not all couples manage to maintain love over many years of marriage and in most cases, unfortunately, men (this is also typical for women) cease to feel love for their chosen one. This feeling is transformed into a kind of habit towards a woman, her sense of humor, behavior, manners. And even if they are not satisfied with everything about women, they think: “even though she’s inferior, she’s one of their own, dear.” And they continue to live with those they don’t love, but who are so “familiar.”
