What to do if you cheated on your wife. What to do if your wife cheats: forgive or leave Will your wife cheat again?

Loving people, when getting married, hope that their relationship will forever remain honest, pure, and that there will not be a third wheel in it. Men, but often, tormented by doubts and suspicions, they do not know how to reliably find out, and at the same time not destroy the love union. In this article we will try to answer the following questions:

how to find out with 100% accuracy whether your wife is cheating?
What are the main signs of cheating?
What to do if cheating has already happened?

First of all, you need to figure out why doubts about your wife’s fidelity crept in right now. What prompted your suspicions? There are rare cases when a woman looks away if everything is in order in the family. And therefore, in order to understand whether there could be betrayal, it is necessary to look at the relationship detachedly and objectively.

Possible reasons

There may be a mass:

Indirect signs of betrayal

Men can be inattentive to the external changes of their halves, but by changes one can determine the betrayal of his wife. There are about 15 points.

The first sign: the wife has her head in the clouds. A thoughtful, dreamy look, a wandering smile, moist eyes. Sometimes he laughs, sometimes he cries, without explaining the reasons for the surging emotions.
The woman began to carefully monitor her appearance. New hairstyle, always wearing makeup, signed up for a fitness center, beautiful underwear.
Previously, my wife would throw the phone in a visible place without thinking, but now she won’t let it out of her hands., social network passwords have been changed, secrets have appeared - a serious reason to think about it. Now she doesn’t chat with her friend on the phone in front of you, but retreats to the bathroom and answers phone conversations in monosyllables. Even worse, the wife decided to sometimes stay overnight with a friend or sister. At the right moment, neither my friend nor my wife can be reached by phone, and only after some time does the wife call back from her mobile phone.
Darling began to stay late at work more often, meet friends outside the home, and began to have social hobbies, although my wife used to love spending time with her family. He reacts negatively to the offer to meet him from work.
Sexual behavior has changed. Having fallen in love with another man, a woman often tries to distance herself from marital obligations. There are a lot of reasons why sex will definitely happen tomorrow, but not now: the woman is tired, has a headache, is upset about something, etc. Sex itself is changing, a woman is not leading in bed as before.
Appeared criticality, irritability. The wife nags her husband over trifles, makes a bunch of complaints, does not thank him for the good, but notices the bad.
Indifference. A woman doesn’t care when a man returns home, his well-being, how things are going at work, she no longer cares whether a man pays attention to other women.
Admiration for others. A mysterious colleague, friend, friend’s husband appears in the conversation, who turns out to be smart, olfactory, and hardworking. At the same time, the wife clarifies every time that she has only friendly, friendly relations with this man and she is not attracted to him as a man. This does not mean that the wife is already cheating, but you should still be wary.

Physiology

There are not enough indirect signs to accuse a wife of cheating. Therefore, you need to pay attention to physiological signs. So, how can you tell by looking at your body whether there has been cheating?

The girl was once again late at work. When your wife comes home, look at her appearance: disheveled hair, tights with arrows, rumpled clothes, swollen lips - signs of betrayal.
Worth a look on the face. Women experience irritation after touching male stubble. If there were kisses with another man, then it will be noticeable.
In close contact with a lover the woman takes in his scents. Men's eau de toilette, body odor, if they are strangers, are noticeable. If there was sex, then the woman has a specific smell: this is the smell of lubricant and sperm. But even if the wife doesn’t smell like anything, as if she just got out of the shower, it’s strange. How to check without giving away unusual interest? Meet your wife at the door, hug, kiss, inhale the aroma of skin, hair, body.
If the wife came home and went to the shower, offer your help: rub your back. After sex, there will be redness and bites on the body, especially in the chest, thighs, and arms.

Evidence of betrayal

But there are ways that allow you to be sure of a girl’s infidelity with 100% accuracy. How to make sure your wife is cheating?

Can you tell cheating by looking at your underpants? Yes. There is a special set of infidelity: within 72 hours after a possible betrayal, you need to take your wife’s underwear and take it to the laboratory.

Fact: after sex, a woman’s genitals secrete fluid containing elements of sperm for another three days.

Treason proven

Before convicting your wife of cheating, you should talk frankly with yourself: are you ready to separate, are you ready for... Isn’t it your fault that your wife has lost interest in you and started looking elsewhere? Do you love her even after the betrayal or now you can’t live with her under the same roof? How serious was her affair? How to understand the wife's action? What to do now?

First, sit down and talk. Find out how important these relationships outside the family are for her. Then it all depends on how you feel: if pain and resentment overpower your former feelings for your loved one, then you need to separate. Because constant reproaches will still not allow you to return sincere love relationships.

It may turn out that the wife herself wants to go to her lover. And you also need to be prepared for this. For some, this blow may be worse than betrayal. But if you decide to stay together and continue to build family relationships, you will have to make serious efforts to restore trust and understanding. You may need the help of a psychologist. But in any case, a lot will have to change in marriage. This is a difficult, traumatic situation for everyone. The choice is yours.

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Ten signs from Alexander Samsonov.

Family life seems to many to be a kind of “paradise” of silence, love and peace. Unfortunately, families are breaking up more and more often, and divorce rates among young couples are especially alarming. The prerequisites for this can be a variety of reasons - inconsistency with each other’s ideas, financial and housing problems, unpreparedness for family life, despotism of one of the spouses... The list can go on for a long time. A frequent reason is the betrayal of one of the spouses.

Betrayal is always perceived painfully. Today we will look at the fact of female infidelity from a male point of view. So, what to do if your wife cheated?

Reasons and background

Any action or event is preceded by something. Cases of adultery are no exception. It’s worth figuring out what could have caused it.

The foundations of character and many personality traits are laid in a person in childhood. Looking at the relationship between parents, children remember possible models for building a family. An important role is played by the education of morality and morality by the older generation.

If before the eyes of the future wife there was dissolute behavior, which was in the order of things, if she was instilled with the wrong ideals, then, having already matured and got married, she can act according to a scenario familiar from childhood.

Another factor is the presence of psychological trauma that will manifest itself. But, we hasten to assure you, there are not so many girls and women for whom cheating is the norm. In most cases, the starting point for betrayal is dissatisfaction with the current family situation that has accumulated to the limit and the inability to resolve it. And now more about the possible reasons for betrayal.

Accumulated sexual dissatisfaction

One of the common reasons lies in this. This situation can occur due to different sexual temperaments, due to the duration of sexual intercourse, due to the sexual preferences of the partner, which are disgusting to the wife. If the situation has been discussed many times, but has not found a response, or if conversations on this topic are strictly prohibited, there is a high probability that betrayal will not take long to occur.

Lack of emotional connection

Emotionality and attention are important for women. The modern rhythm of life squeezes out the last juices, and when you come home you no longer want to do anything. When, day after day, the husband, who comes home from work, demands to be left alone, avoids communication and sleeps with his back turned away - the wife will want to receive warmth, care and emotions on the side.

Inability to talk

Some people have a habit of throwing their socks away, others are firmly entrenched in their beliefs, others value crystal frequency and a three-course meal every day. All people have both positive and negative habits that are difficult to break. But if one of the couple or both cannot come to an agreement on some issues, quarrels begin first, and then the search for someone who simply understands. And no stray socks.

Low well-being

Everyone dreams of having material wealth, traveling, developing, and relaxing as they please. Many are ready to buy into the promise of “mountains of gold” during their future life together, but it often happens that after the relationship is legitimized, the financial condition only worsens. And when every day is accompanied by an acute shortage of money, and the head of the family does not strive to change this, the wife may commit adultery.

Ordinary

Long-term marriage does not have the best effect on diversity: the circle closes between home and work, with no end in sight. The intensity of passions and feelings also fades into oblivion, giving way to calm and even relationships. Some wives are trying to solve this problem by inventing scandals, intrigues and drama, A some are seriously thinking about cheating. In fact, this is a wonderful way to diversify your life, take a deep breath, feel a storm of emotions, feel beautiful and desired again... But is it worth it, at such a price?

Revenge

It’s worth thinking about whether you gave any reason for jealousy? Aren't you changing yourself? The problem of many women is a rich imagination. And if the faithful suddenly began to stay late at work, he had business trips, and a certain Vasily Petrovich writes at night, then the woman will easily “think of it.” Not the smartest approach, but some decide to change in response. Sometimes it later turns out that there was a rush at work due to the arrival of the commission, there were business trips because a colleague got sick, and Vasily Petrovich was just a distant relative who was passing through the city.

It’s another matter when the wife knows one hundred percent about her husband’s infidelities. Perhaps it's time to work on your relationship before it's too late. After all, both are to blame in a relationship.

When my wife cheated

... You sit and look in front of you into emptiness. Your life has been turned upside down, although just recently everything was fine. How could this happen? How could she? — These questions are asked by almost all husbands who find out that their wife has cheated on them.

The first solution that comes to mind is to kick the cheater out with a “filthy broom,” break all ties and not think about her again. Many people do this in fits of anger. This may be right, but many people regret it later. Therefore, it is necessary to calm down and “cool down”. Cheating on your wife is something that is difficult for a man to understand, so it is better to think about this topic with a cool head, a clear mind and absolute calm.

Think about it, weren’t you the one who led your wife to commit adultery? A good solution would be to sit down and talk calmly: find out the reasons that prompted your wife to do such an act. Think about the possibility of getting out of the current situation, about the possibility of continuing further life together. If you have children, then you should also think about them.

The decision to continue family life should not be guided solely by the presence of joint children. Even the youngest children feel the tension between parents very well, and seeing periodic clashes and quarrels is unpleasant even for an adult.

What if you have children?

So, you know for sure that your wife is unfaithful to you. You may even know the reasons why she cheated. You have calmed down and are ready to think rationally. What to do next? You have been married for a long time and you have children. Stay or go?

It often happens that the decision to save a family after betrayal is made only because of the children they have together - so as not to spoil their psyche, so that they grow up in a complete family and do not need anything. Despite the nobleness of the impulse, most often such families are completely destroyed very quickly, because one party is not able to come to terms with what happened and the tension remains constant.

Often the problem lies not only in the fact that the wife’s infidelity constantly pops up in the memory as a dark biographical fact, but also:

Friends, neighbors, acquaintances, relatives - everyone to whom the information has managed to leak out constantly reminds them of the betrayal, gives advice and recommendations, and comments on what happened in a negative way;
An abundance of negative reviews from friends, advice on “what to do,” and much more - turn the deceived husband against his wife;
Relatives also interfere in the couple's personal life; at any family meeting, infidelity begins to be mentioned;
Many begin to consider a man weak-willed and spineless henpecked;
Children, especially those of adolescence, knowing about the situation, can take the side of one of the parents, experiencing negative feelings towards the other and denying his authority;
Cheating on the part of the wife does not stop, she does not hide them or they still become obvious;
Wife's pregnancy from her lover, refusal to give birth to another joint child from her husband, abortion;
Inability to let go of the situation, cheating to spite his wife, in revenge.

These and other factors influence the impossibility of the husband and wife continuing to exist in marriage. An incomplete family can give children the wrong idea about marriage and relationships and cause them serious psychological trauma, but living in constant stress will also affect their psyche.

Remember: relationships are about you and your wife, and only then about your children.

What else is worth thinking about?

Think about it: how were your relationships registered and were they registered at all? If your marriage is registered in the registry office, then it would be a good idea to think about the consequences of the divorce process. At a minimum - payment of alimony and division of property. At most, a lengthy trial.

Of course, paperwork is not as scary as living with a person who has become unpleasant and disgusting, but it is worth thinking about this fact in advance.

If your wife, like you, has crossed the 50-year threshold, then before divorcing, think about the chances of connecting your life with someone else in the future.

A very important factor is how many marriages each of your couple had before the current marriage. A large number of marriages indicates some problems that a person has. If your wife has several marriages behind her, then perhaps you have found an explanation for this. Psychologists believe that attention should be paid to both official and civil marriages - this can more accurately reveal the essence of a person, explain the motives of his actions, and perhaps even help correct them.

If, from time to time, civil marriages, like official ones, last no more than a couple of years and end with similar behavior of your wives, then the conclusion is obvious: the problem is not in the women, but in the husband.

In the process of reflection and discussion, it is necessary to focus on whether the desire for your marriage was mutual, or did one of the couple put pressure or force?

The next important fact is the husband’s behavior. Before taking decisive steps, analyze your own behavior. Many men who use alcohol or drugs, are addicted to gambling, and prefer the position of the “king” of the family, around whom the whole world should revolve, believe that the wife is wrong in any case. Even if domestic violence was used against her, and her husband encouraged her to take negative actions - abortion, certain types of sex, etc. If at least one point applies to you, it’s time to think about it. Otherwise, you should look for a woman who will appreciate your positive qualities.

The realization of a wife as a woman and mother is of great importance both for herself and for her husband. Pay close attention to her attitude towards her children: how loving and caring a mother is she? Do the children have everything they need? How much time and how does she devote to them? These and other questions will help a man realize a woman as a mother.

It’s also worth thinking about - perhaps the wife wanted children, but the husband was against it. This could also be a reason.

Sexual life (satisfaction, desire for intimacy);
Appearance;
Housekeeping;
Comfort in communication;
Interests and goals;
Career success;
Hobbies.

If the answer is yes on all counts, then you should think about your own attitude towards your wife. It turns out that the claims against her are unfounded, and it is not a fact that there was cheating.

Many husbands are unable to come to terms with the fact of betrayal. In search of help, many are even ready to turn to psychologists to understand whether such a marriage is worth saving or if there has been betrayal, then there is nothing more to lose and it is worth seeking happiness with another woman.

Psychologists agree that first of all it is necessary to understand why the wife could not only think about cheating, but also take this serious step. A frank conversation with your wife will help with this. If she has nothing to lose, or if, on the contrary, she recognizes her mistake and wants to fix everything, your wife will most likely agree to a dialogue. Complete composure is required from the husband, without attempts at aggression, humiliation or shouting. Only by understanding the true reasons and prerequisites can a decision be made.

It would not be a bad idea to seek the help of family psychologists or psychotherapists, especially if both the husband and his unfaithful wife want to save the family and are aware of the negativity of the situation itself and do not see a way out of it. The betrayal that has occurred should be carefully worked out with a specialist who will help understand its causes and prerequisites, and will assist in building relationships so that a repetition of such a situation is excluded in the future.

Another situation may be when the wife is not ready to make contact and discuss anything. But this is also not such a compelling reason for divorce - perhaps she simply harbored a strong grudge against her husband, or in a couple of months this whim will pass. It is worth remembering when the first problems began and whether there were prerequisites for betrayal.

A password appeared on the phone or tablet, messages, calls and correspondence began to be carefully hidden from the husband, new contacts appeared;
Suddenly, meetings with friends, business trips became more frequent, and a large number of new hobbies appeared;
Many new friends appeared that were not mentioned before;
The wife began to buy herself new clothes and underwear and take more care of her appearance;
The wife had a sparkle in her eyes, she was internally transformed, prettier;
It is possible that your wife is actively cheating on you if she remains in high spirits and has a dreamy look, and reacts weakly to external stimuli;
Another sign may be the wife’s increased irritability towards her once-beloved husband - unreasonable nagging, harsh expressions, coldness, deliberate ignoring.

It is also worth remembering your own actions and behavior during this period of time. Look out for the following signs:

Constant delays at work or with friends;
Ignoring requests for help, telling your wife to figure it out herself;
Breaking your own promises;
Excessive care and control towards the wife, excessive suspicion;
Scandals and fictitious accusations - if a husband baselessly declares in the heat of a quarrel that his wife is cheating - it is possible that she will do just that;
Her husband’s own infidelities, even if they are carefully hidden.

Psychologists believe that, due to women’s high emotionality, one should not discount the fact that the betrayal was committed only under the pressure of surging emotions. If your wife constantly doesn’t receive enough emotions from you—her husband—if she gets the impression that you don’t care about her, then she will most likely look for support and love on the side.

When deciding to divorce, you must use common sense. If a wife has been unfaithful for a long time, cheating with one or more partners, then there is no point in preserving such a marriage. Perhaps she continues to live with her husband only because of his wealth or position in society. Many husbands, if their wives are with them only because of their appearance, often turn a blind eye to infidelity.

It is worth thinking that when a wife feels impunity, her behavior towards her husband becomes worse and worse. There is a risk that a man’s nervous system may simply not be able to handle it.

It is especially important to think about where it became known that the missus had cheated - from herself, as a result of her own investigation, or from someone else. In the latter case, there is a high probability that behind your back you will be considered a “cuckold” and a henpecked husband. For some, public opinion is a fundamental aspect in decision making.

Think about your wife’s relationship with your parents - if they are strained, then perhaps you should listen to the opinion of the older generation and get a divorce.

If you have older children, then it would be a good idea to consult with them, without necessarily mentioning that their mother is cheating on their father. Perhaps they already know this or have suspicions about this, or maybe they can simply show a different point of view on your relationship.

Is there marriage after cheating?

It is also worth deciding what to do if, after accepting the betrayal, a decision was made to save the marriage.

It is advised to make a list of everything that positively and negatively affects the relationship between the spouses. Let each of the couple write down what they would like to change. Then you should look at each other's lists and discuss what you can do.

The main thing that a husband should remember after deciding to forget about his wife’s infidelity is not to use this fact in your quarrels or during normal communication. Very often, deceived husbands, even forgetting about what happened, do not miss the opportunity, with or without reason, to reproach their wife for her misconduct. Needless to say that this does not have the best effect on relationships?

Not the most pleasant girls to talk to can also be wives, however, this also applies to husbands. Even if it seems that your marriage is already destroyed, remember what fascinated you so much about each other when you were dating that you decided to get married? Try to revive these feelings.

It wouldn’t hurt to try to return to the time when your eyes shone when you saw each other. Add romance to your relationship, spend more time together. Your wife is still the same person you once fell in love with.

But what if there is a decision to save the marriage, but there is no way to see your wife and come to terms with her infidelity? An excellent solution would be separation or vacation. After spending a few weeks to a month or two apart from each other, it will be possible to say with confidence whether it makes sense to stick to the chosen decision, or whether divorce is more urgent?

There are also cases when husbands would be glad to go away and be left alone with their thoughts, but they are afraid that infidelity will continue if they do not keep an eye on their wife. This is a rather difficult question, because no matter how much the wife convinces her that there is nothing to worry about and she will never, never again, trust has already been undermined. If your wife sincerely repents of what she has done, she will not change you, even if you go on a long voyage. However, if her repentance was ostentatious, then even the presence of her husband next to her will not stop her at all.

The level of relationships can be judged based on the behavior of both parties. A wife who repents and strives to save the marriage will surround her husband with love, affection and care, expecting to quickly erase the unpleasant incident from memory. If coldness and a certain contempt remain, then it is better to end such a relationship; they cannot end in anything good.

Which wives are prone to cheating?

Very often, wives’ tendency to cheat is predetermined even before marriage. There is a type of people who are very disgusted by everyday life. This applies to absolutely any area of life - work, everyday life, partner. They need constant variety in life, both in bed and in everyday life. Therefore, if the husband comes across just such a woman, they often give advice to come to terms with her and turn a blind eye to her periodic “spares.”

Such personalities rarely change. Any repetition of the same actions, being in the same environment, the need to live according to the same scenario can very quickly lead to neuroses. When you are just dating, pay attention to your chosen one’s ideas about family life and her preferences in life.

Emotional girls are prone to cheating. First of all, such a wife will bring variety to your drab everyday life with frequent changes of mood, possible insults and scandals out of nothing, and if her husband turns out to have a strong psyche and a little emotionality, then... In the quest for new sensations, acute emotions and intense passions, the wife will decide to change. Whether it is worth continuing to live with such a woman or not, of course, only her husband can decide, but it is worth keeping in mind that when the cup of patience is full, it is not a fact that everything will be resolved peacefully.

Pay attention to the family of your chosen one - if your wife has seen similar behavior from her parents all her life, if she has unresolved psychological problems, then it is possible that she will cheat.

If husbands are prone to either despotism or excessive connivance, then wives are prone to infidelity. Either to attract attention to yourself, or just out of feelings of contradiction. Therefore, be careful in your attitude.

Well, one more fact is the search for a way to leave. If a wife initially did everything in defiance for a long time, provoked scandals, and then began to demonstratively cheat, most likely she is simply waiting for her once beloved husband to show her the door. Society treats abandoned wives better than experienced cheaters. With skillful female interpretations, you can present yourself as an unfortunate victim who was kicked out of the house by her tyrant husband.

Another reason may be the fear of telling her husband about the divorce, so the wife makes the not most logical decision to achieve a divorce through infidelity.

Results

Summarizing all of the above, let's briefly summarize the main tips. What to do if your wife cheated? Tips for husbands.

Stay calm, don't act out of the blue and don't get caught up in the heat. If necessary, go away for a few days and calm down.
Considering the fact from where you learned about your wife’s infidelity, try to remember whether there were prerequisites for her betrayal on your part, when the signs of betrayal appeared and how they were expressed. Were there any signs, or did it happen spontaneously?
Talk to your unfaithful wife in a calm manner and discuss the situation.
Weigh the pros and cons. The following factors should be taken into account:

Is the marriage registered in the registry office;
What is the duration of the marriage at the time of infidelity;
Do you have common children and what age are they?
How many people and who knows about the fact of treason;
The betrayal was a one-time affair or the wife had been cheating for a long time;
The age of each spouse;
Reasons for betrayal;
The first is marriage for each of the parties or repeated;
Is there remorse for the deed or not?
The presence or absence of a common business and/or property.

When all the questions have been answered, it will most likely be possible to judge the final decision.

If you decide to save the marriage, we advise you to visit a family psychologist or psychotherapist to solve possible problems.
It is also worth adhering to the position that communication is the key to a strong marriage. Spend more time and attention discussing possible problems in your marriage.

If wives cheat, there are often reasons for this, since most women are very emotionally attached, and cheating is a very serious, conscious and much-thought-out step. Of course, we do not consider cases where betrayal turns out to be unintentional due to rape, blatant harassment or momentary clouding of consciousness. But in such cases, women most often reproach themselves very much and admit what happened almost immediately.

It is always worth understanding the situation in detail, since getting a divorce is not such a big problem. If husbands are afraid of gossip and condemnation, but want to save the marriage, it is worth considering the option of moving to another area or city.

It is always worth remembering that neither children, nor joint property or business will live with you, so first of all you need to start from the possibility of continuing to live together. When a decision is made only for reasons of material gain or for the sake of children, then such a marriage is doomed to failure and torment for both husband and wife.

Important advice to a deceived husband: make decisions in a calm state, but on your own. You cannot listen to the advice of friends, relatives and colleagues, because your family is yours. Lead a common life, raise and raise children, make love and share one bed.

Don’t hold on to status, appearance, “what will people say?” Hold on only to your relationship, to the feelings between you, look at your feelings and the attitude of your partner towards you. Of course, when the infidelities continue, and the wife is cold as an iceberg, then there is nothing left to save. But if the wife sincerely repents, strives to save the family, surrounds her with love and care, it’s worth giving her a chance. Everyone makes mistakes, the main thing is the opportunity to correct them.

It’s up to you to decide how you will live next. Remember that perhaps the next wife will turn out to be much worse, just as the cheater may be unlucky with her choice. Or perhaps your relationship has long since outlived its usefulness, and just such a case was needed to set the record straight. But be sure to discuss everything with your children. They will still have two parents, and it is very important that neither mom nor dad make them an instrument of revenge and resentment.

Don't despair, no matter what happens in your life, always leave each other the right to make mistakes and don't make decisions when you're angry. And only in this case will you be able to make the truly right decision in any situation, and even a seemingly hopeless situation will be able to be resolved successfully.

It is very important to remember: if the husband is insensitive and cold, his wife’s betrayal will not be long in coming over time. Therefore, love each other, take care, surround with care and be happy.

Darkness, emptiness, melancholy, hopelessness - this is how people most often define the situation when talking about the betrayal of their husband or wife. “I will never forgive you. Treason is the end, I’ll leave right away,” theorists of the issue most often say. When it comes to practice, thoughts change. I don't make excuses for traitors. I want to help those who had to find out about their partner's betrayal.

Why do husband and wife cheat? Reasons for cheating

The most common reason, common for men and women, is lack of love. The second half is busy with work, children, friends; there is no time for each other, it is impossible to conduct a dialogue, no - the most common components that make up this cocktail. At this moment, a person becomes an easy victim: a nice girl will pay attention, smile, say: “You are the smartest, kindest, sexiest”... Or vice versa - a man will come across who will talk about “amazing eyes, lips” and so on. In such a situation, there is something to work with, you can save your family.
The second reason is that we didn’t have enough fun. There are no special excuses here, but there is hope that you will have some fun.
They cheat for new sensations: they have become bored, they are not attracted to their husband (wife), they want something different. Utopian option. As a rule, the saying “An old horse does not spoil the furrow” is remembered too late.
A new love breaks out - there’s nothing to talk about, anything can happen.

Harsh statistics say that 70% of men and 50% of women cheat at least once in their lives. Moreover, most of them regret it, they do not want the betrayal to happen again or for half of them to find out about it.

“But most often wives like the author of the letter come to me. They thought they were loved, appreciated, respected, adored, but in the end they got what they deserved.”
By what merit do they receive this, author??

21.11.2017 11:12:35,

Total 5 messages .

What to do immediately after betrayal is discovered

Psychologists advise in such cases to “take time out” for a few days and cool down.

If you can’t just distract yourself from all your thoughts, you should try doing something. For example, for a few days, immerse yourself in your favorite job or other interesting activity. Switching attention will restore emotional balance.

It’s also a good idea to take a day off and go to another city to change the environment and thereby again distract yourself.

This does not mean that you should ignore the problem. You need to wait until your ability to adequately think, evaluate and make decisions returns. It is better to avoid contact with your spouse at this time.

Analysis of the situation - conversation with a girl

When you feel that you can make informed decisions and are ready to adequately assess the situation, you should discuss the situation with your wife.

Cheating is by default an unacceptable act for a relationship, but it is still worth listening to the arguments of your beloved. Gotta try understand her, figure out what dictated this action. After all, people later regret many betrayals. And the wife’s repentance can become a decisive factor in making a subsequent decision.

It is important to have such a conversation not at home, but in some public place– cafe, restaurant, etc. This will protect you from an emotional explosion. If you give free rein to your feelings, the conversation will turn into an argument that will lead nowhere.

Deciding how to live next

After talking with your wife, you need to carefully re-analyze your feelings. Ask yourself the following questions.

Do you understand who pushed her to this?
Can you eliminate this reason?
How scary is this act for you?
Are you ready to forgive your wife and move on with her, forgetting about this incident?
Will you be able to trust your spouse again?

If you think that you understand your wife, you can forgive her and trust her - you need to try to restore the relationship. It is enough to be confident that you will be able to forgive her after a while, when everything is a little forgotten. Think about what is more valuable to you – resentment or relationships?

What not to do

Here's what you should never do under any circumstances:

Revenge on his wife in the form of betrayal of her. Cheating on your wife for the sake of revenge means stooping to her own level, this is a bad way to solve a problem.
Showdown with your lover. It is pointless. The problem needs to be resolved with my wife.
Going on a binge. Alcohol will not help and will only intensify the emotional storm. He can also contribute to the commission of other actions from this list.
Throwing tantrums. During a quarrel, you can say a lot of nasty things. This will not improve the situation, but will make it even worse.
Making important decisions on a hot head. Decisions made under the influence of emotions are rarely correct.

Cheating on your wife is perhaps one of the most stressful things that happens in a man’s life.

Reference! An interesting fact is that if a man has cheated, the woman compares herself with her rival unfavorably and is ready to literally strangle her, but they usually justify her husband’s behavior.

If a woman cheats, all the male anger falls on her, and only after throwing out all his emotions about the woman’s betrayal, the man can switch to his rival.

Treason has occurred - what to do?

In most cases, upon learning about his wife's betrayal, a man's whole world collapses. But the first thing a deceived husband should think about is that he is not the first person to whom a woman has cheated. Therefore, you need to calm down and under no circumstances reach for the bottle.

A sober head is what is very important in this situation. It is certainly necessary to talk with your wife and understand what happened, but only when the first wave of male emotions subsides, otherwise it will not be a conversation, but a debriefing, which, as a rule, ends in a scandal.

Causes

During a calm conversation with his wife, a man can understand what exactly pushed his companion to such an act:

she has run out of feelings for her husband;
she developed feelings for another person;
she believes that some of the blame for the betrayal lies with her husband - he shows coldness, is not affectionate enough, and so on;
she cheated, deciding to take revenge on her husband for his betrayal.

Important! A woman, unlike men, cannot cheat only physically; for them, cheating is a conscious act, in most cases, based on feelings.

After such a conversation, the husband must understand what pushed his wife to cheat, and what percentage of the blame for what happened lies with him. Then, having the information in hand, you can weigh everything and make a decision regarding forgiving your wife or leaving the family.

In some cases, a wife may cheat with one goal - to leave her husband. Weakness of character does not allow her to come up and talk about the breakup, and by cheating, she pushes her husband to break up, which he himself will initiate.

Other women try to diversify their family life in this way. If a woman is used to being in the public eye, she is a bright and demonstrative person, and her husband leads a quiet and measured lifestyle, it is quite possible that she lacks emotions.

Reaction

Cheating is a scandal, tears, breaking dishes, mutual accusations, and then... sweet reconciliation in bed. By the way, it is quite possible that the woman did not actually cheat on her husband.

Important! Therefore, before deciding how to live after your wife’s betrayal, you need to clearly understand - was there any betrayal?

If the cheating woman herself wants to leave, you shouldn’t persuade her, ask her to stay, or use various prohibited techniques (scare her with suicide, etc.).

Such behavior is unworthy of a real man, and then the woman will not have the slightest doubt that her betrayal is not a mistake.

Yes, indeed, there are only two options - stay or leave.

Each man himself makes the right decision for him, however, one must decide carefully after weighing all the pros and cons.

Important! It often happens that after leaving the family, a man suffers and realizes that he made a mistake, but it also happens the other way around, having forgiven his wife, a man still leaves the family after some time.

In the video, a psychologist tells how to live after betrayal:

Factors that push a husband to leave the family after forgiving the betrayal:

repetition of betrayal;
a man thirsts for revenge, and breaks his barrier of fidelity - he gets another woman;
the man constantly reminds his wife of her infidelity, as a result of which scandals constantly flare up in the family, and the wife files for divorce, unable to withstand the pressure;
relatives and friends belittle a man’s dignity, periodically reminding him of his wife’s infidelity;
an adult child takes the father's side and unites with him against the mother;
wife's pregnancy from her lover.

Therefore, when deciding to forgive his wife, a man must be sure that such a decision will bring only positive moments, and they are possible only when the offense has passed and the relationship has completely normalized.

Important! You should not forgive your wife immediately after talking about betrayal; forgiveness should not be given to a woman too easily, otherwise she will not appreciate it, but there is no need to go too far either; there is a big risk that the woman will not be able to stand it and will decide to leave.

A wife should begin to respect her husband, but this should be achieved not with fists and scandals, but by proving that you are a real man.

Watch the video in which a psychologist explains how to forgive betrayal and whether it’s worth leaving:

If there are children

The issue of leaving the family must be decided even more thoughtfully if there are children in the family. Of course, if the wife does not look after the child at all and openly walks “to the left,” there is only one way out - to take the baby and leave.

However, if the wife sincerely repents of her actions and tries to maintain normal relations in the family, the man can take a step towards her and forgive her.

But not “for the sake of the child,” because such a decision will mean that the man has not forgiven the woman, which means a normal family will not work out.

Important! A child should not grow up in a family in which conflicts and scandals are constantly brewing. In this case, in a single-parent family, the child will be much calmer and better.

If there are no children

This greatly simplifies the situation, since in this case the man will not have unnecessary “hooks” that could lead to the wrong decision.

If there are no children in the family, and a man has forgiven his wife for cheating, then he did it sincerely, and not under the influence of certain factors.

To make the right decision, you need to analyze the current situation.

So, the wife changed:

What was it? A momentary weakness or is this behavior inherent in her character? It's not the wife's tendency to be unfaithful, but rather her casual behavior with other men.
Perhaps she had reasons for this - stress, a desire for revenge, or something else.
Maybe the wife is trying to reach her husband in this not entirely reasonable way, or is showing that the spouses have begun to move away from each other.
Or maybe the wife’s betrayal arose under duress from a man, for example, a boss, and the woman agreed because the relationship with her husband had been feeling cold for a long time.
It also happens that wives sleep with their husbands’ bosses to advance them up the career ladder.

Reference! Whatever the reason pushes a woman to be unfaithful, she is not the only one to blame. A married woman whose family is in order, her relationship with her husband is good, and she is happy will never cheat. Therefore, female infidelity is not only the woman’s fault.

Is it worth forgiving the betrayal of the woman you love? This video explains:

Any loving man will certainly be able to forgive a woman’s mistake - betrayal. However, it will take a lot of effort on the woman’s part not only to regain lost feelings, but also to restore the man’s shaken pride.

Reference! Of course, it is impossible to restore everything in one day, and you can move on only if the woman sorts out her feelings and understands that the only man she needs is her own husband.

As for the husband, he needs to learn to behave in such a way that his wife does not have a single chance to compare him with other men, and not in favor of her husband.

Neither common property, nor a shared past, nor children - nothing can keep a family from falling apart; only love can do this.